advice on child acting out

vickeym
vickeym Posts: 2,134 ✭✭✭✭✭

A friend asked if I could give her any idea of anything that might be helpful. Her 2 year old daughter who they adopted as an infant is mostly a total sweetie. But every once in a while she totally loses it. Shrieking, crying trying to hit her parents or anyone else she gets close enough to.

They have been to more doctors than she can count and not one has come up with any reason or help for her, other than pumping her full of drugs to turn her into a zombie. Obviously not a good choice for a 2 year old.

I know without an exam and so on no one can say what is wrong with her, but if anyone could point us to a way to help manage the extreme tantrums while she searches for a cause, it would be very much appreciated.

Comments

  • VickiP
    VickiP Posts: 586 ✭✭✭✭

    I knew a lady who had an autistic child who was usually very even tempered but would on occasion go ballistic. The main thing was to remain calm with the child, don't raise your voice certainly never strike or punish. If things got too out of control she would just hold the child and rock and whisper words of encouragement. This was decades ago and she now has a very well adjusted and productive adult kid. I was very impressed, I know it took unbelievable patience from everyone around, but it worked. This child never took the psychotropic drugs they push and did quite well without them.

  • Torey
    Torey Posts: 5,679 admin

    @vickeym I would suggest that they find a homeopath. There may be something related to abandonment, even if it is at a sub-conscious level. Or it may be something else in her environment that is triggering her. A homeopathic interview will look into all the mental and emotional aspects of a case, rather than just a medical perspective. For the moment, they could try chamomilia as a homeopathic remedy. It is often suggested for children who have tantrums. It is a very common remedy and should be available in any health food store or natural pharmacy. But as with most things, she should see a practitioner rather than just a casual suggestion.

  • ieducate2008
    ieducate2008 Posts: 40 ✭✭✭

    I would suggest monitoring the food the child eats. Sometimes, acting out is an allergic reaction to a food consumed. Try writing down what the child eats and notice if certain foods make the child react. I know that sugar and dairy did it for my son.

  • shllnzl
    shllnzl Posts: 1,820 ✭✭✭✭✭

    There is some evidence that weighted blankets help calm both children and adults.

    A Special Education teacher told me that firm hugging will calm a child. (She admitted using a weighted blanket for herself at times.)

  • GardenMama
    GardenMama Posts: 95 ✭✭✭

    Dietary changes based on an OAT test would be where I might look.


    I'd also venture a guess that it might be worth finding someone who does energy work and can help resolve any subconscious issues regarding abandonment that baby would have been exposed to prior to adoption.


    I know it might sound a bit on the woo side but trauma can and will find us early and can also travel down ancestral lines.

  • lyn.arguello
    lyn.arguello Posts: 7 ✭✭✭

    Many times a child acts out because they can’t communicate well, they don’t know the words or have the muscles developed to easily pronounce what they want to say. Both my kids were taught sign language and it helped tremendously when they were that age. I have a preteen and a teenager now who have no problem telling me what’s up! 😂

  • LaurieLovesLearning
    LaurieLovesLearning Posts: 7,573 admin

    Hi @lyn.arguello! That is great advice. Sign will give kids a voice and can be good if they don't know how to express themselves through speech. I taught my hearing children key word signs when they were babies. It was a great way to communicate before most kids speak. Her vocabulary was WAY ahead of kids her age once she actually used verbal words.

    I agree that it could have something to do with trama or abandonment too.

    My other thought went straight to an area where we have lots of experience, and that is with negative reactions to additives...synthetics added to what many consider food. I was a moderator long ago on a site for parents of homeschooled ADHD children. I learned a lot there.

    I am going to share quite a bit without getting into too many specifics & will recommend a non profit resource.

    Sometimes behaviors are blamed on something easy like sugar (or milk), but most often it isn't the sugar that is to blame, it is the synthetic/artificial colors, flavors or preservatives. Processed milk has synthetic vitamins added that can trigger some people. Color is in ice cream, jello, & lots of other things, and can be hidden in clear flavor extracts of all things. MSG can cause reactions for some and scented products can also have an adverse affect on behavior as well as other reactions. Nitrites/nitrates in ham, wieners (I get inner rage if I eat most weiners), & deli meats, for example, can be a trigger.

    We have dealt with reactions from food additives in our children for 18 years. We can read ingredient labels so quickly now. We have eliminated most of the offenders over time. Where is still rears its ugly head sometimes is if we are guests somewhere or when relatives slipped a kid something when we weren't looking, saying, it won't hurt! (Thanks...) Often, they didn't have to live with the outcome. Although, most have seen some reactions by now, and some still refuse to acknowledge that it still exists years later.

    We first noticed these issues when our oldest was not yet born. She would react to things I ate. As a baby, it was the same. As a young toddler, it got worse. It was like she was an angel, and within minutes of eating a synthetic additive, she was extremely difficult to do anything with. Our most memorable event was when she was 4. She was given a Revel (ice cream bar coated with chocolate coating, on a stick). Within 15 minutes, she was a wholly different child (this is a mild description 😳). It shocked the two women who knew her as sweet...their eyes bugged out & the one who was never quiet was speechless. None of us could do anything with her. The next day, after the surge of Yellow #5 (tartrazine), was over, she cried deeply that she had missed a special moment in her little life. We knew then that we were on the right track eliminating these things from our diet. It was very hard, but very worth it to give her (and in turn, us) more peace.

    We found that certain salycilate foods also triggered hyperactivity. Cloves, cinnamon & ginger (so gingerbread & gingersnaps, pumpkin pie) were not a good choice. Neither were tomatoes for her.

    Sometimes, the child or adult also deals with ADD/ADHD. Most medical professionals won't "diagnose" kids until they reach school age, then pump them full of drugs, that are usually only good through school hours, & some of which will contain the offending chemicals. It is just not a good path to go down for so many reasons.

    I need to state that sometimes the negative behavior is just additives without the ADD/ADHD. It can mimic it very closely in those moments.

    Over time, some people claim that kids get less sensitive, but that is far from the truth. These additives are unnatural and the body never gets "used to" processing them. The child , now turned adult, may react in a different manner or has figured out some ways to either deal with or hide some of these negative reactions.

    I would highly recommend the non profit, Feingold.org. The founder was an allergist who discovered that many kids were actually allergic/sensitive to these ingredients. They used to have a lot of free information online. I am unsure what might be free anymore. The have a book published called "Why Can't my Child Behave" by Jane Hersey. I think there should be a free excerpt available on their site.

    We are in Canada, and at the time 18 years ago, Feingold had no presence here. We followed guidelines & I learned to make so much from scratch...more than most people would ever do. Now we find that it is easier to find acceptable products so that I don't have to do as much...but we found we often prefer those alternatives anyway. Feingold is U.S. based, so for your friend, it might be worth joining for a time to learn what is available to them.

    Anyway, I know this was lengthy, but I wanted to throw this out there for their consideration. Many are unwilling to change, and it takes commitment to see results (3 months minimum of giving it everything). Diet change is hard. But I must say that it was one of the best decisions we have ever made...for our whole family!