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"OK"? "Just OK"? — The Grow Network Community
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"OK"? "Just OK"?

tomandcaratomandcara Colorado front range- Denver MetroPosts: 708 ✭✭✭✭

In another discussion @KimWilson posted; "I do have a question of opinions: My mother-in-law (with her perpetual cheery attitude) always calls and asks how I am. If I say that I am "OK", she then comments, "OK"? "Just OK"? This happens most every time I talk to her, and, quite frankly, I don't know how to answer her. I do know that I don't feel comfortable with either sharing my difficult challenges with her or outright lying. I do know that she always wants me to tell her that I feel "fantastic" whether I really feel that way or not. Any suggestions?"

This question kind of triggered me years ago when I was recovering from a serious health challenge and someone responded to my ok with  "OK"? "Just OK"? . I was so glad that I could be ok considering how absolutely horrible things had been previously. My response was something to the effect of "Do you realize how many things aren't ok? Why can't you appreciate the goodness of ok? Why do you dismiss being ok as a problem?" It has been over 15 years since that question hit me so wrong and it still does. @KimWilson, you made me very happy to know that "Just ok?" triggers you as well. Thank you for being OK and being fine with being OK.

Comments

  • JannajoJannajo Ms. Pointe-Claire, QuebecPosts: 173 ✭✭✭

    Well, u c I am a mother-in-law and I DO NOT call my daughters-in-law at all- I speak ONLY with my sons! By occasion, one daughter-in-law may answer the phone, or my sister-in-law, we banter a bit, but, heavens, whatever one may answer to How r u? That is totally their prerogative, I do not understand prompting one for more, that is quite rude, I think and ' Rudeness is the dress of cruelty' is what I think. In-laws might be troublesome at any time, but be glad u have a phone call and answer as u please, pls.! Be well, & at peace, will u? I will pray for it!Ps. Jesus is The Prince of Peace, enjoy!

  • ToddBToddB USPosts: 4 ✭✭✭

    some people just wish to know you're more than OK :D

  • LaurieLovesLearningLaurieLovesLearning Moderator Manitoba, Canada 🍁 zone 3, PrairiesPosts: 3,771 admin

    Welcome @ToddB.

    Sometimes people can hear that there is something not quite right and so may inquire further. Sometimes they realize, "How are you?" "I am fine" is just an empty cultural greeting. Often someone can answer that latter, but be dying inside.

    I don't know the specific situations & relationships to give any real solid advice. Is it genuine, is it gathering information/baiting? I don't know.

    Where it becomes an issue is when someone gives a different answer than the culturally accepted, "I am fine," and it is dismissed. Also, in that case, listening is the best option as sometimes that is all a person needs. In that case as well, a genuine & caring follow up should be done.

  • KimWilsonKimWilson Posts: 198 ✭✭✭

    Wow! I am thrilled that there are others who have feelings (negative, positive, or neutral) about this question. Today I am "OK" and that is a wonderful thing. I had a thought. If my husband were to come and tell me, "My check this week was "X" dollars and is now deposited in the bank" and I responded to him, "Just X dollars?" I would think that the message would to him would be a negative one. Is "X" dollars inadequate in some way? He might even be hurt or offended that I would ask that question. Even without a "covid19" summer going on, life is challenging and sometimes downright difficult. Today I am "OK" and so grateful to feel that way.

  • LaurieLovesLearningLaurieLovesLearning Moderator Manitoba, Canada 🍁 zone 3, PrairiesPosts: 3,771 admin

    @KimWilson I am happy for you!

  • monica197monica197 Posts: 722 ✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2020

    Have had people say that to me too. It is kind of annoying...and then I decided to start saying 'fantastic' just to avoid that part of the interaction...and then I realized 'fantastic' just might be a better word to describe myself anyway...and if I am not, well, I am "upright and breathing - 'nuf said."

    That being said, your being OK is indeed OK! Maybe these people are jealous!

  • tomandcaratomandcara Colorado front range- Denver MetroPosts: 708 ✭✭✭✭

    @KimWilson I probably have post "just ok" traumatic stress disorder! (PJOKTSD) 😄 The first time "Just OK?" triggered me, I felt like the person totally was dismissing how I actually was and was fishing for the "correct" answer of fine, weel, good, fantastic, awesome or something that was easier to interpret as a positive. The sad thing is that was 17 years ago and "just ok?" with the "wrong" tone of voice and intonation still triggers me. In some ways it has become a bit of a joke with family and friends that know about my PJOKTSD and when they say just ok, I know it is saying they understand and love me. Kind of like much teasing, it can be a way of endearment or not. Depending on the spirit, or the interpreted spirit in which it was given.

    Today I am doing well, not just ok.

  • KimWilsonKimWilson Posts: 198 ✭✭✭

    Too cool @tomandcara !

  • ltwickeyltwickey Posts: 316 ✭✭✭

    @kimwilson Other posts have talked in depth on how crazy this year has been for everyone! And I agree and am in the same boat as everyone else! That being said, I agree completely the "just ok" is a win on most days for me anymore! In the last few weeks my days alternate between horrible, slightly less than horrible, and just ok...

    I have a great support network, so please don't think I am on the edge and need hospitalization...Just trying to get through like most everyone else.

  • tomandcaratomandcara Colorado front range- Denver MetroPosts: 708 ✭✭✭✭

    @ltwickey glad you have a great support network. We all need one, I have one too ,but I know not everybody does. Especially this year with all the fear and isolation some people are experiencing. because of COVID and the resulting chaos.

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