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Being a garden loner is harder than it seems!! — The Grow Network Community
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Being a garden loner is harder than it seems!!

Nancy CarterNancy Carter Posts: 198 ✭✭✭

Could I have a bit of advice please? I have always enjoyed gardening both flowers and vegetables. I read, chat and listen to as much as I can...I have always gardened a bit on the loner side. My husband never seemed too interested in it and that was alright as I could design plant, replant and grow as I liked. Now a colleague of his has gotten into the spirit of gardening and now hes got the gardening bug! Im not sure how to handle the shared decision making process now! Im stubborn i know! I want to share the experience but its always been the thing I could have control over...having 2 children w special needs, being a stay at home mom there hasnt been much to have a say over as life has thrown us around the block a bit chaoticly! Maybe its deeper than the flowers and veges...im not sure..im not trying to be selfish but I feel like I am! Just looking for some encouragement and although our personalities are greatly different..his style is very organized strategic and measured to the t! Im a bit whimsy and where the bulbs fall is where they grow kid of gal! It may seem frivolous but it is my current challenge and I'm not sure how to face it!!


  • SharieSharie Posts: 195 ✭✭✭

    Nature is a lot more random than we think. There's room for various ways of doing things but ultimately Mama Pacha will let you know what works and what doesn't. Enjoy the ride!

  • RustBeltCowgirlRustBeltCowgirl North Coast OhioPosts: 856 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Encourage him to have "his own" garden, where he makes all the decisions. Maybe he needs a challenge, let him grow the more fussy/difficult plants.

  • TaveTave Posts: 597 admin

    It sounds like gardening is your escape, and you may feel like you have lost your escape route. Men are naturally problem solvers. Good communication, meaning honestly and respectfully expressing your feelings, and the resulting problem, may go a long way in helping find a solution that both of you can enjoy.

  • annbeck62annbeck62 Posts: 420 ✭✭✭

    If it's important to you to make all the decisions you can help each other with your own gardens so you can still have a shared experience. And you never know you may learn something you didn't know doing it his way in his garden.

  • Denise GrantDenise Grant Posts: 2,001 admin
    edited December 2020

    @Nancy Carter Encourage and enjoy the differences between your two garden styles. Compare the differences. You may find you give each other tips and encouragement in ways you never expected.

    I have always considered gardening like to a blank canvas. Its is art and beauty and will always have a new look and direction.

    I also consider gardening to be my relaxation so keep it fun.

    My grandfather was a straight line gardener and practically measured every seed out in the garden. and I like the free and experimental garden style. I was talking to my niece, who is a new gardener and giving her tips and my brother looks over and says - rows and everything spaced out (Yes, my grandfathers approach. and he did have great gardens but...)

  • Megan VenturellaMegan Venturella Posts: 409 ✭✭✭✭

    Oh my goodness I used to complain that my husband wasn’t involved, but I’d feel the same way you do now. Just give him his own space to do it. Divide what you have, or better yet- he can start his own section. But your feelings are totally understandable!

  • SherryASherryA Posts: 313 ✭✭✭

    I feel bad for you! Is there some reason why his gardening bug is being worked out in your garden? If there's no way you can say No to that arrangement, then I'd say divide up the space and let him do his thing and you do yours. If gardening is your relaxation or your fun time, having to work through issues like that is going to take it all away from you.

  • water2worldwater2world Sherry Jochen Sevierville, TNPosts: 342 ✭✭✭

    @Nancy Carter Since it is your husband's colleague, and not your husband, I would just split the area being planted and have a schedule of when he would be coming over---maybe you could be busy at those times!! Tell your husband you like the peace and quiet when working with the plants.

    Good luck!

  • Nancy CarterNancy Carter Posts: 198 ✭✭✭

    Oh dear I may have misworded my post, very sorry! My husbands colleague is not coming over. My husband has great intentions and has purchased me a small greenhouse, picked out the planting pots and heating elements for the greenhouse. This sentiment i am grateful for! I think I assumed he was taking over when actually he is learning from his colleague and helping me in the end! I am willing to be patient and listen to my husbands ideas but in the scope of it all I think he just wants to see me happy and content. Golly I sure made him out to be a bad guy didn't I? Not so at all!! Not my intention!

  • RustBeltCowgirlRustBeltCowgirl North Coast OhioPosts: 856 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I didn't see him as a "bad guy", just over enthusiastic about a new hobby. Encourage it and give him a plot of his own to play in.

  • Lisa KLisa K Posts: 607 ✭✭✭✭✭

    How about giving him his own area and that way he can grow what he wants while you still have your sanctuary. That is kind of what my dad did, he was the outside gardener and I took care of my mom's houseplants. Then one year he gave me a fenced off area for my own garden and since he grew flowers, vegetables and fruit trees I decided to grow herbs which as been my passion and some might say obsession for years.

  • AcequiamadreAcequiamadre Posts: 272 ✭✭✭

    Greenhouses can be finicky. Perhaps there is a way to work together. For example: you can offer him a list of what you would like started there and that could be his area (lots of very organized things to do in a greenhouse. Timers! Linear seed trays!), he could get as organized as he likes and then off all of those plants grown in tidy rows to you, who could place them in whimsical ways out in the wild and non-linear garden! This might serve each of your styles while offering overlap and collaboration.

    However, it sounds like you may need to ensure you still have your retreat space. If your husband's discussions on greenhouses is too intrusive, encourage him to talk to his friend while showing him appreciation for growing your starts (and don't tell him it is intrusive, of course). I hope you keep your sanctuary and your wild gardening ways!

  • Nancy CarterNancy Carter Posts: 198 ✭✭✭

    @Acequiamadre sounds like a great idea to make us both happy! We will work it out and have a good time doing it! He has been my best friend for 24 years so I'm sure we will blossom in this together. Thank you for your words of encouragement!!!

  • lewis.mary.elewis.mary.e Posts: 199 ✭✭✭

    I tend to stay out of my husband's way regarding the actual work of gardening. We plan the gardens together, we shop for seedlings together, he does the sowing, weeding, and harvesting. I do the cooking and preserving. We both do the parts we're good at and enjoy.

    Not to mention the parts of gardening he does are so good for him. He is the most relaxed I see him from the day he begins the gardens every year.

  • Nancy CarterNancy Carter Posts: 198 ✭✭✭

    @lewis.mary.e we are the opposite of your situation. He does the cooking and preserving and I tend the garden! Interesting how things work for each of us!

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