The Dangers of Backup Food Supplies (HUMOR)

Marjory Wildcraft
Marjory Wildcraft Posts: 1,617 admin

A few months ago some friends were going to Sam's Club and asked if I wanted to go. As you know, I'm huge on making sure you have plenty of backup food supplies - especially right now. So although there isn't much packaged foods I eat, I figured, hey it's a good idea to stock up on almost anything really. It could be traded for fresh foods.

There could be a National emergency any moment. Why not?

I've never been to a Sam's Club and after the initial overwhelm - OMG - that place is insane. I realized those clubs might be why Americans are so overweight. The entire place is screaming at you "Super Size Me"!

OK, so you know, it probably is a good place to stock up on things. A case of tuna fish, mayonaise, mustard, quinoa, beans... I was finding a few things that made some sense. And they occaisonally had organic options.

I did the trendy thing and got some toilet paper.

Then I saw this big bucket of Biscotti's. And I thought, "Oh! that would be such great comfort food. You know? When the lights are out and everyone is farting from eating so many beans... I could pull out these biscotti's and be super happy and popular".

So a couple of months go by and I'm in the closet where the biscotti are stashed.

Hmm, I'm thinking.

If I turn out the lights and put my phone in airplane mode, it could be like a National emergency, couldn't it?

You know the golden rule of all preps is to test them out before you need them, right?

And the expiration date is May 2021. What if I forgot them again and they expired - wouldn't that be such a shame?

So I brewed up a cup of coffee because the acidity of coffee cancels out all the carbohydrates in biscotti. I read that on the internet somewhere so it must be true.

Oh my, I almost never eat such junk and you know what? It was delightful. Before I knew it 6 of them were gone. It's a good thing they are individually wrapped as that helped to slow me down. Did I really eat that many? Hmm, I'm living alone right now, but I wonder, could it have been possible that some else might have eaten them?

The good news is, I got really sick of them after that initial 6. And two days later... I really have to put them back in the closet and get them off the kitchen counter - I ate 7 more. Honestly, I did have to dunk them in strong coffee to make them taste reasonably well. I couldn't eat them on their own.

And there went my New Years resolutions. Only two weeks into the New Year. sigh. But thats better than most people who blow their resolutions a week into the New Year. And there are people who actually blow it the next day. So I'll feel good about holding off for two weeks.

What the heck got into me?

But I did learn something. I've realized that if I am going to store biscottis I also need to store strong coffee to go with them.

But the other good news is I really am sick of them now.

And they are safely back in the closet. And I still have enough for the next National emergency. Whenever that my be.