Garden humor?

Monek Marie
Monek Marie Posts: 3,535 ✭✭✭✭✭

I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.

What’s small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish.

I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.

I have a bird feeder in the garden

It also works as a cat feeder

What kind of vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?


A military commander calls his soldiers and says: "the first one of you that gets rid of the mole in my garden will get a promotion!"

One of the soldiers goes in and catches it. "So now what do I do with it, sir?" Asks the soldier to the commander.

"Oh well..." said the commander, considering many options : "That mole made a Heck of a mess in my garden... so please, punish it with the worst thing you can think of".

So the soldier goes in the back of the garden, and after a few hours comes back.

"So... what did you do to the mole?" Asked the commander.

"Ohoh! Commander!" The soldier laughed: "I did *the most horrible thing ever!* Try to take a guess!"

"Did you... cut it in pieces while it was still conscious?"

"Even worse!"

"Hmm... did you throw him to the rabid dogs?"

"Even worse!"

"Oh my god! What the Heck did you do to that mole?!"

"I buried it alive!"

I was in the garden section of the hardware store and some guy asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in.

After Adam and Eve arrived in Eden, he stayed out late a few nights wandering the garden.

Eve became suspicious.

“Are you running around with another woman?” Eve fired off.

“What other woman?” Adam exclaimed “ You’re it!”

That night, Adam was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.

“What are you doing?”

“Counting your ribs.”

How can you tell an unidentified plant in your garden is a weed?

Try to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it's not a weed.

(Authors unknown)