Wholesomeness... an interesting and important concept

judsoncarroll4 Posts: 5,353 admin

I saw this a couple of days ago and wanted to post it, but it needed thought. TGN is an extremely wholesome place. We, the mods, work hard to keep it that way. Here, all are welcome. No offensive behavior is tolerated. People ae welcome to their opinions, and to state them strongly. But, no "meanness", bigotry or insulting cynicism is allowed. I think that is good. TGN is welcoming and supportive. Many of us have expressed wishes that the world was like out forums or that even like-minded websites/forums were as nice. I think it really comes down to wholesomeness.

It may surprise some that I grew into being well... openly nice or wholesome. I grew up in a very rough place, once called the "murder capitol of the south", a place very different from the peaceful Appalachian mountains that I call home. Sure, there were good people and a lot of kindness from older folks. But, it was very much, get tough or die... get hardened and cynical, always be ready for violence. And then, I spent a decade or so working in politics , DC and beyond... It really took a long time for me to realize that everyone was not like that... other places were better and people more innocent and wholesome. I guess I'll always have a little bit of a loner edge... always love old punk rock and gritty honkytonk/outlaw country... always identify with the outlaws and rebels, really. But, being cynical is really just embracing misery. Sure, being tough when necessary is essential to survival. But, it is much better to be honest and nice in most situations. Anyway... If I ever have a family, I'd like to be a good dad, so I find such things worthwhile to ponder.



  • JodieDownUnder
    JodieDownUnder Posts: 1,482 admin

    @judsoncarroll4 I think of wholesome as, being healthy in a body, mind and moral compass kinda way. It’s a choice. You can choose to be kind, compassionate and truthful. You do not need religion or culture to show you how to be like that. I love the fact that TGN is welcoming and supportive, we respect opinions different from our own. Actually, it’s great to hear and think about what others say, we might learn something, we might not. The world is a great big melting pot, we find our tribe, our friends and being wholesome sets the tone for great relationships/friendships. Even if we agree to disagree.

  • monica197
    monica197 Posts: 332 ✭✭✭✭✭

    There is a comfortable-ness about wholesomeness. It is attractive, isn't it? Something you want to be around.

  • LaurieLovesLearning
    LaurieLovesLearning Posts: 7,356 admin
    edited July 2021

    It is attractive. This is how I would like to see everything, however, the world and even individuals in families truly just aren't this way and unfortunately, even those who would love to live in a fully wholesome world are forced to acknowledge that.

    I have always thought that it would be nice to have everyone just get along, not cause problems, be respectful of others, etc. But, all it takes is one selfish person to destroy all that, needing to obtain power at any cost to those around them. This fact has always made me quite sad. It could be so simple, but...

    Considering, as @judsoncarroll4 said, we strive hard on the forum to keep this place wholesome. I guess I hadn't really thought about it with that term in mind. I use family-friendly, but I like wholesome. I just wanted this forum to be a place where I would like to be and could enjoy, and as head mod, I have the opportunity to try to keep it that way for myself and others. I am grateful for mods that view it the same way. Thank you!

    Thank you, Judson, for posting about this refreshing topic.

    BTW, I think you be a great and I think, a very involved dad. 😄

  • Megan Venturella
    Megan Venturella Posts: 678 ✭✭✭✭

    “Being cynical is really just embracing misery.” @judsoncarroll4 Wow, that sentence made me stop and think. And think. I love it.

    Life always brings different forms of hardship, and in recent years I’ve had to really stop and think about how to react to events and how I want to allow them to change me. I don’t want to be bitter or cynical. I think that’s the easy way out, the way that allows you to not feel things that hurt you. I want to show my kids a better way.

    Thanks for sharing the article!

  • Annie Kate
    Annie Kate Posts: 680 ✭✭✭✭

    Yes, this is a wholesome place. Thanks @LaurieLovesLearning and all the other moderators for keeping it so!

  • judsoncarroll4
    judsoncarroll4 Posts: 5,353 admin

    I have also heard bitterness described as a cancer of the spirit. All those old saying about hope and staying positive are so much more worthwhile than the modern culture that teaches being cynical, ruthless, sarcastic, snarky, mean, materialistic, uncaring and self-centered. It is a strange bargain, choosing misery for fear of not looking cool.

  • Tave
    Tave Posts: 952 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I liked that article. I remember a saying, "Be kind. Everyone is having a rough day." It may seem to relieve stress to blow off at someone, but it doesn't make anyone happier in the long run. Least of all, the unkind person.

  • jowitt.europe
    jowitt.europe Posts: 1,411 admin

    @judsoncarroll4 you have chosen a very interesting subject. A wholesome place. There are so many worlds in this world, so many places to be. Each and everyone can chose one’s own. At least at a certain age when one finds out and knows what one wants, when one is free or frees oneself from the impact of the society into which one was born or grew up, but does not want to stay there anymore. We in this network chose this wholesome place and that is wonderful. I like what @JodieDownUnder says: it’s a choice. We have chosen to be wholesome. It is not being naive when one refuses to be critical, sarcastic, unhappy. Everyone sees what is happening in this world. It is just a matter of the chosen focus, chosen priorities. Why not seeing the kind, the helpful, the creative instead of the corrupted, the selfish, the cruel. Positive thoughts attract positive people, positive events, positive surroundings. @judsoncarroll4 your phrase “for a fear not to look cool” says a lot. As long as one tries to look cool, there is no way out. Then one lives for a whatever image instead of being oneself. I think it is very important to find out what one innerly, really wants and needs.

  • judsoncarroll4
    judsoncarroll4 Posts: 5,353 admin

    I agree. We can definitely make life harder for ourselves and for others due to attitude.

  • Cornelius
    Cornelius Posts: 872 ✭✭✭✭

    Thank you mods for all that you do! I have never once seen a negative comment on the forums in my time here (over a year now) and that is truly impressive! I think it speaks volumes to the kind of people that are apart of TGN!

  • stephanie447
    stephanie447 Posts: 404 ✭✭✭

    I'm old compared to young people, and young compared to old people. America in my youth was overall a lot more wholesome and innocent. Cable TV kind of ruined that even before the Internet caused the death knell.

    I am not a fan of the increasing gratuitous sex and violence in entertainment. There's no honor anymore either, it seems. When I watch foreign TV shows and movies (non-Western) I am struck by how much more wholesome they are in general. People may be materially poorer but they seem richer in happiness and spirituality.

    That said, I personally don't mind disagreement and would take a spirited debate over people swallowing their real opinions just to be nice. But there's a way to be honest, passionate, and still loving. Part of it though means the receiver also has to let things roll off them a bit, which is a trait we've lost in the modern West.

  • VermontCathy
    VermontCathy Posts: 1,911 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @LaurieLovesLearning "I have always thought that it would be nice to have everyone just get along, not cause problems, be respectful of others, etc. But, all it takes is one selfish person to destroy all that, needing to obtain power at any cost to those around them."

    Well, yes and no. Part of the problem is that modern society has become so non-judgmental that we are afraid to call out people who behave in unacceptable, disruptive ways. If we do nothing, then our comfortable space is destroyed.

    But it's not that hard, in principle, to prevent this. What societies have always done is exclude or marginalize the disruptive elements so that the remaining ones can function well and happily. In some cases this means policing behavior; in others, excluding people who cannot refrain from creating problems. Much of this "policing" happens at the social level, not through law enforcement.

    The hard work the mods do to keep things running is exactly what it takes to get our friendly, respectful spaces back. That works was always necessary and always will be.

  • Lisa K
    Lisa K Posts: 1,838 ✭✭✭✭✭

    I like the phrase - "Dis-ease creates disease", even though due to an illness in my family my childhood was a bit dysfunctional, I was raised with values, one of many is to respect nature which includes people and to enjoy the simple things in life. On my mom's side most where civil servants and on my dad's side most were farmers.

  • jowitt.europe
    jowitt.europe Posts: 1,411 admin

    @Lisa K it seems to me, that sometimes people, who encounter illnesses have a deeper value system and cherish and enjoy natural and simple things in life much more than those who have no real problems in life. Then they have to create problems for themselves. May be it is human to look for reasons to be unhappy. May be some cannot be happy without being unhappy....

  • Lisa K
    Lisa K Posts: 1,838 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @jowitt.europe Very true, I have known people who are their "happiest" so to speak when they are in chaos.

    I retired two weeks ago and I am really enjoying a simper life and spending more time with my dad who is in his late 80's and friends 😊

  • LaurieLovesLearning
    LaurieLovesLearning Posts: 7,356 admin

    Congratulations @Lisa K I hope that you create many cherished memories. That sounds lovely.

  • jowitt.europe
    jowitt.europe Posts: 1,411 admin

    @Lisa K you have entered a very beautiful stage in your life. Now you can afford to follow your needs, wishes, hobbies. And spend more time with people who are dear to you. How nice! I love my freedom of choice and activities I like!

  • Lisa K
    Lisa K Posts: 1,838 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Thanks @LaurieLovesLearning and @jowitt.europe I must say I am enjoying not have deadlines or trying to take care of two households in a weekend! I also have signed up for classes, I have always wanted to learn to sew (more than fixing buttons), knitting, crochet and photography, all classes I have signed up for😊