Funny Farm Life Stories & Funny Stories
There was talk back a few weeks ago of a book for funny stories of farm life. I do plan on doing one myself sometime but I also asked some of the admins about the possibility of having a "funny Stories" book here with submissions from everyone here who would like to participate. Most of us have stories or know a neighbor that does. The administration board talked about such a project and felt it would be beneficial to all of us.
With@Marjory Wildcraft's book being released in May and gardens starting up for most people getting a book done now would be difficult so sometime in the fall to work on a project would be better.
But starting to collect stories now would help us get started on a book. So if you have a story, please post it in this thread.
Any story put in a book would need permission from each person, a disclaimer of no remuneration for the stories and it might be wise to change names of people within the stories. As time comes closer to working on the book we could decide on a special discount for those who contributed or helped with getting the book assembled.
So share you "funny Story" below . Lets try to keep this post theme to just stories. If you have a comment or suggestion please comment to me @Denise Grant
Also, to help you find this thread later I used a tag of funny stories. Use it in search and you should find the post. Have a great day all!~
Comments
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Hi @Denise Grant I love this idea! Yes, let's get started on it now as getting a book together takes way longer than you think.... believe me I know. LOL
I think it would be best to self-publish it. Faster and more control. More fun!
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Hmm... so long as it isn't like when Kramer sold his stories to J. Peterman on Seinfeld... well, not surprisingly... I may have a few... Are you looking for funny farm stories or just funny stories in genera?
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@judsoncarroll4 Either funny farm or funny stories. If we want we can divide a book or make two
And I agree @Marjory Wildcraft self- publishing would be best. I just want this to be a fun adventure for all of is
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My old barber was a real character. He was born so far back in the mountains that the school busses couldn't reach him. His mother taught him to read and to do basic math, but he spent his childhood roaming the mountains, hunting, trapping, fishing and wildcrafting. Eventually, he went to barber school and began cutting hair. His accent was a lot like Gomer Pyle from the Andy Griffith Show, One afternoon, I sat down in his barber chair and asked him how his weekend had gone. "Well, it was kindly tiring I guess....." he replied.
"Well, I bought me this goat from a feller. I should have known better since he only asked $20 for him. I brought him home and put him out in the pen, but he got out just as soon as I turned my back. I watched him for a bit and he didn't seem to be going nowhere... there ain't any houses near by anyways, so I fed him and figured he wouldn't wander too far from his feed. I went on in the house. Well, I reckon it wasn't too long before that goat took up on the porch and decided to call it home... because just a bit later I heard somebody a yellin'! I looked out the door and there was my cousin a calling me... said the goat was on the porch and wouldn't let him get to the the door. I tried to get out, but that goat started shakin' its horns at me an a bellerin'. I finally climbed out a window and the two of us just stood there for a while trying to figure out how to get that goat off the porch. He turned out to be a mean sucker... 'bout broke my leg when he charged at me... knocked half way back to the road! Well, we finally figured there wasn't no way of movin' him short of shootin' him and I had just paid $20 for him, and figured maybe I could sell him on, you know. We was sore from fightin' him, so we went to get us some beer. A bit later on, we was sittin' in the driveway, drinkin' beer and my cousin says, 'You know, one of my boys left his football helmet and shoulder pads behind the seat.... I bet you $5 I could plum run that goat off that porch if I was to put those on and butt heads with him.' Well, that seemed like kindly a good idea since we'd split a 12 pack by then.... you know how that goes. Well, he put on that football stuff and ran down there a chargin' head first. That goat shook them horns and bellared and charged at him. They hit about ten yards out from the house and I that goat knocked him plum out! I mean, he was laid out cold. I don't know if he was dead until he called out, 'Jay! Jay, get me out a here 'fore that goat of your'n kills me!" Well, I wasn't goin' no where near him, that goat still bein' all worked up. So, I rolled a couple of beers to him down the hill. He was too afraid to even raise up... that goat still a bellerin', so he kindly laid on his side and drank his beer. After the sun went down, we clumb back through the winder. We waited 'till about 2 in the mornin', till the goat was asleep, then we snuck out there. He jumped on its back while I hog tied it and put sack over its head. H'it was still a fightin' us, but we drug it up the hill and got in the truck. We must 'a drove 20 miles, but I finally spotted a farm far enough away where we figured h'it wouldn't find its way back. So, I kind of slipped it under their cow fence, pulled off the sack and the untied it. We beat it on out of there and didn't do nothin' but sleep yesterdy. So, here I was just 'fore you come in, and this big woman come in here and starts a hollerin' 'Jay __ _______ your damn goat's on my front porch and won't let me in the house!'
"So, what di you do," I asked? "I told her, 'Lady, I ain't got no damn goat.'.... and, it was the truth too, because I ain't got no goat and ain't gonna have another goat, a least not for a loooooooooong time!"
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When you have a farm, if your lucky, you have that one farm vehicle that you use for all those abusive hauling and farmland jobs.
One year we were down to one abused jeep cherokee. Our one rather unique friend needed a ride to pick up medicine and just get out of the house. We told her we just had the farm vehicle so it might be a fun trip. She said she did not care.
Well, I had picked up a bale of hay earlier and had tried to get out all the shaft as quickly as possible. Without sweeping it, its usually a futile attempt. The jeep was also burning oil and leaving a black cloud behind at times.
We picked Delores up and headed out. Thankfully she was in the front seat. We decided to take a shortcut and went we went up the one steep hill. That was a mistake - the jeep began to put out a massive black cloud and some got in the jeep so we rolled the windows down to move out the bad air. Having 4 windows down, the air kicked up the shaft and it was circling up above our heads. Fortunately Delores did not look up. It looked like a hay tornado hovering above us.
When we arrived at our destination My mother and I looked at each other and held in laughter. Delores was covered with shaft. It was even sticking in her hair. Neither of use were brave enough to tell her this. I am sure when she arrived home she wondered where she picked up all that hay.
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This one is short.
"It was our first big snow of the year. Because I go out to the coop 2 or 3 times a day I had quickly worn a narrow path in the frozen snow On one of these trips I was remembering a previous trip when I had stumbled and fell into the snow! "I won't let that happen this time!" I told myself. Well, that as far as it went. I got all the way to the gate and "KERPLUNK!" down I went! "No one saw that" I quickly thought. Well ya no one, except for the 15 chickens staring at you!!!
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@judsoncarroll4 that is so funny!
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My parents rented our pasture out when I lived up on "the hill" One spring the farmer came by after he put the cows in and told us it would be best not to be in the field while he had the bull in there - the bull had an attitude. And yes, he did! I was about 10 at that time.
I would go in to the barn, on the top floor, (It had three floors). I would spy on that bull and no matter how careful I was he knew I was there. I would move from window to window, crawling on the floor so he would not see me, but he would be bellering as loud as he could at the window I was by.
Well, he was in my field and I had limited us of it now so I found out if I sang to him , it really made him mad! So I would go out and sing at the top on my lungs just to tick him off so he would head up in to the trees.
I learned two valuable lessons. How to tick off a bull safely and that I would never be in the top 10 if my singing drove a bull mad.
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I had a similar experience with goats! Its why I love rabbits. Well, my experience wasn't that bad... but dang goats are so talented at breaking out and causing trouble. It takes a special person to be a goat herd. Great story.
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Thanks @COWLOVINGIRL and @Marjory Wildcraft Writing that was fun and I discovered that it is much harder to write dialect than to speak it! I grew up with a lot of characters. We had goats, too. I was very into kung fu in my teens and went on to study tai chi, chi gong, etc. I found working with the goat herd to be extremely good practice at warding off, blocking and deflecting blows. It would drive the young billy goats nuts that they couldn't but me squarely! I enjoyed having goats; I think of them as dogs with hooves. I'm looking forward to getting some milk goats soon.
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Move over Elmer fudd
How many people remember the cartoon of Elmer Fudd and usually Bugs Bunny? I always remember this comical hunter. I had an Elmer Fudd moment one day.
I had a horrible ground hog issue one year. They were destroying crops in a half an hour time span and even out witted me in fencing a garden. So it was all out war.
My dog Bear liked to chase them away. One day when we had worked the back garden the better part of the day when Bear spotted a ground hog . He took off running and I was sure he would get it. Well, the ground hog ran up a tree! I was shocked they climbed but here is the dog barking his head off and I knew he would stay there for hours. I was tired after a long day in the sun and wanted to get back to the house for a cool drink. Bear would stay by the tree until the ground hog came down so I went and got a gun.
As I round the barn the dog sees me and I am sure he smiled. Denise is back to help me out. The aim I had was not good. I did not want anything to bounce back on the dog and the sun was in my eyes. I had limited places to stand as we were by a small creek.
So standing in a weird contorted stance and partial sun in my eyes I took a shot. I missed but the kickback knocked me off my feet and I found myself looking at blue sky and soft drifting clouds. Embarrassed, I sat up and looked at the tree. The ground hog was still there. I looked at the dog and I could tell he thought I was a nut. I get up as fast as I can and look around to see if anyone was watching. Of course not, I'm in my back 40 with no neighbors for 1/2 a mile.
Time was standing still. I looked at the dog then we both heard a thunk. The ground hog fell out of the tree and laid there. Did I hit it? NO. The dog took off to the tree and the ground hog got up and bolted into the field of hay. Several minutes later the dog came out of the field. The ground hog got away and the dog gave me one very dirty look. I know he was telling me - never help me again!
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I will be moving stories over to this thread to help prepare a book as a TGN project (to be done later this year after Marjories book is out.)
Please add more stories here if you have one you want to share.
As I add stories from other meber I will be contacting them to ask if they want their stories in a book.
Small little one paragraph stories are fine too.
Thanks, Denise
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