Hilarious ad for rooster give away - don't read if you are easily offended

Marjory Wildcraft
Marjory Wildcraft ✭✭✭Posts: 1,235 admin
edited November 2020 in Birds (Land Fowl & Waterfowl)

I just about fell on the floor laughing at this classified ad I recently saw.

If you are easily offended, you should skip this one.

But if you've ever had a mean rooster, you'll relate.

FREE to good home. Well, any home really. At this point I don't give a care what kind of home this inconsiderate jerk goes to: ****** ROOSTER. He's the perfect rooster if your alarm is broken and you need to be awake at 5:30 a.m. That is his only setting, 5:30. He has no snooze button but will be quiet just long enough for you to fall back to sleep and then he'll start back up with his obnoxious cock-a-doodle-doing right outside of your windows. It's like he knows where you sleep and can zone in on that particular window so maybe he has some sort of special x-ray vision where he can see sleeping people behind walls. He is also a perfect rooster if you want to start running... around your yard... while you're trying to get away from him. He no longer goes after me as he is also an instructor of interpretive dance. Or at least that's what I imagine it looked like as I went after him flapping my arms, jumping up and down, kicking at him, yelling and screaming, and swinging a mop in his direction. So, if you're looking for an alarm clock with the only setting being 5:30 a.m., a personal trainer and a dance instructor, I have the perfect rooster that is able to fill all 3 of those positions FOR FREE! But you're coming out to catch this *******, I want to see your first interpretive dance lesson.

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Comments

  • ines871
    ines871 zn8APosts: 1,290 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Marjory Wildcraft LOL that is wild !

    when I read "... kicking at him, and swinging a mop in his direction." - can you just see someone doing all that. - I can't either.

    That said, the "if you want to start running... around while you're trying to get away from him. flapping my arms, jumping up & down, yelling and ..." God only knows what else, well, - in other abusive contexts, ESCAPE is a healthy choice.

    Actually that happened to me 3 months ago. There I was at friends' house just feeding 12 chickens some goodies they love..., when (seemingly out of nowhere, some rooster I had Never before seen), flew up to my waist & tried to peck at my face !.- I totally freaked out !, & yup you guessed right: the goodie-bowl went flying out of my hand, as I started flapping my arms, jumping up & down, yelling & screaming Help ! HELP !!" - That awful Nasty rooster kept biting me in the ankles, & kept going after my face. There were so many physical obstacles between that possessed monster & the house, I wondered: How do I get out of this Alive? - When what seemed like an eternity, I did manage to escape, only then did they tell me: Yeah, Nobody wants him.

  • merlin44
    merlin44 Posts: 425 ✭✭✭✭

    Too funny but that's life on the homestead. My nemesis is a Banty named Clarence, he actually stalks me.

  • Ruth Ann Reyes
    Ruth Ann Reyes Managing Director TGN Shy of the Chi - Zone 5bPosts: 487 admin

    We've been lucky to have nice roosters...but, I can only imagine! On one of my chicken keeping groups, they send bad roosters to 'camp freezer'

  • LaurieLovesLearning
    LaurieLovesLearning Moderator Manitoba, Canada 🍁 zone 3, PrairiesPosts: 4,660 admin

    What a story, but it is best just to send him to freezer camp so that he can't hurt anyone else. It can be a popular boot camp for troubled roosters. They are so lucky...they can stay at this special camp for months.

    What I learned years ago is to press chicks down daily. This puts you in charge from the beginning. Also, pick good temperament breeds. Flighty and high egg production breeds will be your worst for bad temperament. Research carefully before investing in the cute fluff butts. You want to know what you are getting into. Beware of hatchery stock too, you can't always be sure of their background.

    A good straw broom also helps.

  • shllnzl
    shllnzl Southwestern UtahPosts: 1,636 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Sheila I'm glad you found a way to work with him.

    I am a nature observer, not a farmer, so I could never fully feel the frustration of dangerous or uncooperative farm animals.

    Just a thought....

    Isn't the rooster showing the best of his breed when he defends his flock territory at all costs?

    Isn't the bull with the most vitality and good genes the one who scares the crap out of you when you approach his area?

    The male animal is the protector and why they are usually the hardest to work with.

  • Marjory Wildcraft
    Marjory Wildcraft ✭✭✭ Posts: 1,235 admin

    @shllnzl hmm, I have had lots of roosters who did an amazing job of protecting their flock while being respectful of humans. There is so much work and so many ways to get hurt while homesteading that you really can't afford to have difficult livestock.

    @Sheila I too highly commend you for finding a way to work with him.

  • Linzi
    Linzi Posts: 123 admin

    Haha @Sheila that's the most hilarious method I've seen mentioned! Definitely humane and seems very effective! 🤣

  • anectarine1
    anectarine1 Posts: 27 ✭✭✭

    Love it! 😂Reminds me of a small rooster we used to have. He attacked heels and hadn’t my kids scared to death even though he was a tiny little guy.

  • EarlKelly
    EarlKelly Penn state master gardener Northeastern Pennsylvania zone 5bPosts: 230 ✭✭✭

    Brightened up my morning reading this. Could just imagine him slinking around outside looking for her. Known a few of his kin in my time. Thanks for sharing.

  • wbt.affiliates
    wbt.affiliates Posts: 100 ✭✭✭
    edited September 2019

    That was incredibly FUNNY! Thanks for sharing!

    My neighbor had a rooster like that. They never kept their animals at home. They had enough acreage to do so. I was in my back yard weeding, when - out of the blue - the neighbor's rooster came to tell me he owned my roost too. Furious, I ran at him with my closest object, a broom, and swept him out of the yard.

    He came at me the next day, so then I used the stick end of the broom and knocked him out.

    He was also a stupid rooster, because he tried it again every time I went outside. But I'm not easily intimidated. And I refuse to do a chicken dance.

    Then my husband came at him with his cane (he's disabled). I guess the rooster decided that my husband was top rooster. He never came at us again.

  • gennywu
    gennywu Posts: 96 ✭✭✭

    Thanks for sharing a laugh. I guess you can still find truth in advertising. I wonder if that rooster ever found a new home - who would volunteer?

  • Marjory Wildcraft
    Marjory Wildcraft ✭✭✭ Posts: 1,235 admin

    Hi @gennywu I don't know what happened to that rooster. the ad just had me rolling... ha, ha, I've owned a few roosters like that.

  • vickeym
    vickeym Posts: 944 ✭✭✭✭

    We have had a few of these monster roosters. One in particular had some type of vendetta with me. Since I had not only never harmed him but also saved him multiple times as a youngster from other roosters who attacked him, I could never figure out why. We often free range our birds, and have several acres of property so plenty of room for them. Every time I went outside this rooster would come after me. Even coming from an acre or more away from me, so not like I was crowding him or his girls. After many attacks where he snuck up behind me and attacked my ankles and legs with his spurs and even drew blood a couple times, in spite of holding him down regularly, carrying him around both upright and upside down and everything else I could think of. One day he got my ankle so badly it bled quite a bit. I was so frustrated and angry with him I grabbed a large stick and chased him for over 20 minutes running all over the place and swinging it at him every time I got close enough. He left me alone for about 2 weeks, after that he would still come at me unless he realized I has a stick. Then he would quickly turn away and pretend he had not planned another sneak attack. Only bird I ever felt like celebrating when we sent him to camp Kenmore. (AKA freezer camp)

  • merlin44
    merlin44 Posts: 425 ✭✭✭✭

    An old timer told me the reason roosters challenge us is they see us as competing fowl, just as they see any other bird. They re just trying to determine who's top bird. Some are just a little slow in making that realization. Fellow chicken farmers-show no fear!! LOL

  • smockv
    smockv OhioPosts: 44 ✭✭✭

    OMG!!! This really made my ( and the DH) morning!! We had chickens in Oklahoma... "Kevin Bacon" was our worst rooster EVER! He received this moniker due to the fact that he would dance and prance and flap all around before hurling himself at your knees and chest. Kevin was nemesis to my then 9yo son... He would wait until that poor boy was in the hen house gathering eggs and WHAM! Out of thin air that rooster would appear and eggs, feathers, buckets, food dishes, broom, shovel, the whole hen house would have to be put back together. As for interpretive dancing they looked like a Flashdance Battle Royale! Kevin was the most gorgeous Americauna Rooster and his feathers made beautiful additions to floral arrangements and craft projects... But alas, poor Kevin, spent a tad too long in the sauna... He melted into the most delicious creamy chicken N dumplins we had ever tasted! He never made it to freezer camp... I wonder if he felt he was left out?

  • Marjory Wildcraft
    Marjory Wildcraft ✭✭✭ Posts: 1,235 admin

    When my kids were little they each got 'rooster kicking boots' and a stick for when they went outside to do chores where the chickens might be. Pecking order is a real deal in flocks and when the kids deomonstrated they were in charge, well, they earned the respect of the rooster.

    I think it is a right of passage for young kids raised on a homestead to deal with 'the rooster' and there is always one....

    But that ad was just too funny...

  • solarnoon.aspen
    solarnoon.aspen Posts: 219 ✭✭✭

    I have seen videos of such behaviour but didn't experience it until my Jasper (americuana) was a tyrant to humans. And although I agree with Sheila that he was just doing his job and he was good at it, Jasper wan't aware that I was the one that provided all the girls - and him - with their food source and many other life needs and that I had never done anything to hurt any of them.

    I was able to calm him down by pointing directly at him with a straight arm and saying NO. Haha. The odd time he was too aroused for that so I usually carried a fish net and pinned him down long enough to do what I had to do in the area.

    You'll notice the past tense.

    Now, Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, this year's model (Barred Rock) is the best guy. Unless one of the girls (we call the Bennet sisters) is screaming about something I'm doing - rare- he pretty much likes me in there with them. What a pleasure.

  • silvertipgrizz
    silvertipgrizz Posts: 1,852 ✭✭✭✭✭

    My side hurts from laughing at your stories. Thank's ok cause I needed a good laugh. Although, don't want anyone hurt, including the rooster..I love chickens. Their sweet noises are so friendly and I love listening to them.

    Now, on the other hand...I used to hear stories from time to time about the 'rooster that went to the pot/frying pan' for being a problem/nuisance.

    Along the same theme, when my brother and I were just kids...we also had chickens, well, our parents had the chickens. And then one day our dad was going to collect one for the dinner plate that night and he asked us which one we wanted to save. It just so happened that he was referring to 'Joe' or 'Sally'...yes we named them...We were not happy with Joe because he had been flogging us when we chased him (I wonder why)...so we said, Joe, not Sally, of course...Without thinking about the fact that we would be looking at him on our plates that night. So our dad went to the back yard and proceeded to 'ring Joe's neck!!!! So out of shock and horror, we, being 6 and 8, I the older, ran to the front door and yelled...(yes, I'm telling the truth), "Daddy killed Joe"! ....The neighbors didn't come to save us or Joe. And neither could I or my brother believe we had offered up Joe to the dinner plate.

    No matter what happens in the coming days, months, I will never like the idea of killing animals so I don't go hungry. Even though I know I can and will have to to survive. And will actually raise some meat for food if I ever find a place I want and can get there before all h...breaks...

    In the mean time there is always chocolate cake/Texas style 🙃

  • Brueck.iris
    Brueck.iris New ZealandPosts: 143 ✭✭✭
  • Brueck.iris
    Brueck.iris New ZealandPosts: 143 ✭✭✭

    I love this description. I've had several roosters around me for the last 10 years and only 3 ever attacked me. But they are for sure all early risers. Perhaps that's the challenge - breeding a night owl rooster.

  • Owl
    Owl Posts: 271 ✭✭✭

    Haha! I have discovered the beauty of nasty rooster bone broth and we ran out of roosters! Someone gifted us with a beautiful rooster after our defended his girls to the death from a hawk that figured out how to get in the coop. After this beautiful boy brought blood the second time I cured him.

    I’m reminded of a funny story though. When my son was about 8-9 his father and I rescued a blue and gold macaw. She was a lovely girl and we were all quite excited about adding her to our family. I was known for being pretty mild mannered and not easily angered. One evening we were sitting on our bed with all the menagerie when this parrot reaches out and snaps at my son’s face. We had all been a little buffaloed by her knowing that she cracked pecans in that impressive beak but, being a mom, I didn’t slow down to think about it but struck like a snake and grabbed that bird by the neck, snatched her off my husband’s arm and had a serious heart to heart with her. When I sat the bird back onto his arm and looked up, my husband and son were staring at me with eyes as big as saucers. My husband turned to my son and said “wow, you don’t mess with her, huh?” My son, just as serious as he could be said “no sir!” That bird was smart enough to learn, that beautiful rooster, well, he didn’t learn a thing.

  • Marjory Wildcraft
    Marjory Wildcraft ✭✭✭ Posts: 1,235 admin

    awww @silvertipgrizz I hear you. It is the most difficult thing I do... processing animals I've raised for food. It does make me so grateful for my life. I've had some experiences with rabbits that were quite mystical that had me re-think a lot about life and death. I'll go into that some other itme, but it has inspired me to train myself to have out of body experiences. When you have that experience of knowing you are not your body... it changes things a lot.

    When I was very little my older sister Anna went to see the movie Dr. Dolittle and when she came back she announced that she didn't know that when she ate meat it was animals. She never ate meat after that.

  • Melissa Burford
    Melissa Burford Posts: 71 ✭✭✭

    That is really funny.

  • KimMullen
    KimMullen Posts: 38 ✭✭✭

    That's so funny.

  • frogvalley
    frogvalley Posts: 680 ✭✭✭✭

    After reading about all the doom and gloom of the day, this was such a great find to pick up my spirit. LMAO!!!!

    Thirty or so years ago, I took my kids to visit a fellow home schooler's farm/house. "Oh how cute your kids look with their little toy swords" I told my friend. "Yes" she said, "my husband made those for the kids." I stood imagining pirate fights amongst the maples after school was done for the day and other imaginary events before she broke the silence and educated me on the ways of the farm. "The kids have to take a sword outside with them to fight off the roosters." Oh surely she jests I thought for a brief moment until one emerged from the barn and made a beeline full speed right towards us. Thank goodness a sword wielding six year old Erol Flynn stepped in just in time to save our land lubber bottoms.

    A year or so later, my husband wanted to order chickens. "That sounds great" I replied to his request "but first you have to learn to make swords."

  • MissPatricia
    MissPatricia Posts: 192 ✭✭✭

    These stories are so funny. I rescued a black Jersey Giant rooster from death by taking him into my flock. His owner was going to kill him because she was not allowed to have roosters in city limits. This upset my granddaughter who asked me to take him. Ignorantly, I reached down to pet him, and he turned on me, pecking my hand. That scared me and thereafter, he threatened me every time I went to collect eggs. My legs would just go weak. He eventually went to camp freezer too.

  • Marjory Wildcraft
    Marjory Wildcraft ✭✭✭ Posts: 1,235 admin

    that is such good advice @LaurieLovesLearning

    Thanks! Its better than what I normally suggest6 - uh chicken enchiladas.

"Italy is known for tomatoes. Thailand for chilies. Germany for sauerkraut. But tomatoes originated in Peru. Thailand imported chilies from Central America. Sauerkraut started in China. Everything is a remix—and the world is better for it. Share what you know. Learn from others."

-Marjory Wildcraft